Sunday, December 11, 2005

Dang me and my refusal to commit!

So I was just contimplating on the fact that I hate remaining in one place for a long time or the fact that I just don't well in commitments and then this got me thinking that I should change my blog cuz I was "bored" of it, so I checked out my options and thought this stale grey and green do-dad should do the trick, so a few simple clicks and BAM I loose all my links...CRAP. *sigh* you definaly loose things in translation. what am I talking about ...I have no flippin idea...I understand if you stop reading now because I'm about to just go off on a bunch of things I've been thinking about...

Sometimes I wonder if people really know me, OR do they just see a nice, loud girl who laughs too much. . . and that's the depth of megan. cuz it's not, and I know you probably know this, but it's hard at times. YES I do get mad, yes I do get hurt and mess up. . . yeah there have been people in my life who I haven't liked. Sometimes I think that I'm too much of a people pleaser and people take advantage of that. I don't like to be the "bad guy" or let anyone down so in turn can't say "no". I haven't always had it easy or never struggle with things.

i hate it when people judge others, even though I myself do it. i hate it when people pretend and are fake, i hate it when people aren't understanding or think the world revolves around them. I hate it when people don't consider other peoples feelings and say things for shock value or to be "different" i hate labels people put on others . i hate the word poser. i hate the fact that at times I can't express myself and am lost for words. I hate that people say with there lips that they love Christ yet with there heart push him aside... in that way I hate myself. it makes me sick when I see people slamming others and having no disregard for what they are doing to that person...yet I love survivor.

yes, I am a very sensitive person. too many things and yet not all. my brothers used to tell me not to take everything to heart and take things so personally, this is easier said then done.

We are all so complex that sometimes I think it is easier to reduce people/ourselves to single characteristics so that we are able to comprehend the individuals we meet, yet we loose so much, just like I lost my links. . .

2 comments:

Janice said...

that is exactly the way i feel today.

thank you.

Polythene Pam said...

Megan, you are very real. I think people mention your laugh often not because it's an overwhelming characteristic but because it is a beautiful and real part of you. A person who laughs easily is a person to be admired - not one who giggles easily but one who really laughs, who enjoys life. And as far as I know you you are very wonderfly complex and if people choose not to look past the surface and see that then they are missing out on a real gem and it is their loss. You feel deeply - that involves laughing often but crying and getting hurt sometimes as well. Both sides are real and both are deep and both are beautiful.
That's my 2 cents anyway.