How long ago was my last post?! 6 freaking' months! It's like Clockwork.
Now, here is the beauty that is known as my blog. No one directly in my life reads it, and probably no one at all, to be honest that is sort of refreshing. It's a weird mix, because I could just write stuff in my journal, then no one would read it thus I could say anything, silly, weird, a bit off-beat and no one would question it. However there is an innate need to be heard. Or the illusion of being heard. I just watched "The Social Network" and one of the characters said "You put it on the internet, it's not written in pencil but in ink!" ... it's true, whatever you write on here, is permanent. It's "real". Therefore in a way it legitimizes what your saying, however trivial or true it is.
At times I want to write things as my "status" ...but then everyone would know it. All my friends, family...the youth I work with, almost strangers who have somehow connected themselves to my life. At times I want to "tweet" things (I have no idea why i'm using " marks...) but again....same thing...
This is going to sound, conceded and pompous. But at times I feel "famous" ... I have to watch what I say or do so closely because I don't want it to be misconstrued by others. With my position you have to be so, it's not that I say really sketching things or do sketchy things at all but you just have to be...guarded. I know some people would understand what I mean, but others have no clue.
Example, drinking. I never used to. I hated the taste of Alcohol and thought it lame to "acquire" a taste for it. However starting New Years, I've began enjoying the odd beverage. It started with a gin and tonic. Now I could never write stuff like that on my Facebook...reason, I don't want youth to just see that and not understand context etc. It's all about perceptions and what you're sending out there. Now I probably wouldn't write something about drinking on my FB anyways but that's no the point. I believe that being honest with youth is crucial however it needs to be in context of a whole conversation yet you don't have to disclose everything. Discernment really And to be honest its not just the youth, but their parents and people who just know what I do. And some stuff I just don't want random buddy commenting on.
Anyways. All that to say, is sometimes it's tricky.
Right now I would love to just say. "Megan Hazelton just discovered another person in her life is getting married and wondered 'How did they find someone, and I am still alone?!?'" ...
Horrible. Yet true. I just don't want all the questions and pity comments, yet that' s how I feel.
I've also wanted my status to be "There's a drumming noise inside my head, that starts when you're around
I swear that you could hear it, It makes such an all mighty sound" ( Great Florance song...)However that would be a dead giveaway that there is someone in my life that makes me feel like that...then the questions would start. And I couldn't admit to it. But yes it's true.
I was asked the other day over a FB message "How is your heart?" not in relation to being "alone" but in relation to things going on at work etc. . .
Tonight, I bought stuff at Value Village with a friend. Breakable things. . .
One of mine was a ceramic heart...
We smashed them in a parking lot (don't worry we cleaned it all up, broom and dustpan style)...
I'm 27 and single...
...someone que the sappy music and spray cheese.
2 comments:
I still read your blog! On the tough parenting days, between poopy diapers, kids not getting along, waking up at night, etc. I think, "Single people with no kids have it so easy (at least in that area)!" Yes, I know it's not always easy being single when you want to be married and so I pray that you will get married to the man God has for you. :)
Elleah the faithful! Thank you for the encouragement and prayers ;)
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