i measure the year not on dates but on occasions. this year is over. i measure success by happiness. this year was a failure. i measure joy by happiness, by finite things that melt faster than my fudgsicle on august the third. as i look at still shots of people i know, i judge there happiness on outside things, not on the image of there soul written in their eyes. they are happier than i. i know the truth yet it disapates in the depth of my own thoughts. the pleas to myself to shake the cobwebs formed around my prayers go unheard while distractions become a way of life. a whisper of truth finds its way to the ambigious nature of my thoughts and threatens to break away the rusting deception. a welcomed threat.
*****
Not wanting to be a burden. I carry my own load. Not wanting to go outside of who you think I am. I carry my own load. A cyclic cycle of deception. I hurt you. I hurt me. Not wanting to bring on worry. I carry my own load. Not wanting to bring false witness I carry my own load. A pang of regret fills my heart. Where was I during those happy moments. Lost within myself wanting to remain strong. I carry my own load. Often it leaked out . This deception gone to far. You saw the real me. A glimpse of broken pottery strewn across the floor. Not yet retrieved yet hastily put together so the show can go on. Don’t look. work in progress. Why do I think I must be cement instead of porcelin. Here I am. Blown glass. Fragile. Broken. Here I am.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Thursday, April 20, 2006
| You Are Teal Green |
 |
What Color Green Are You?
BRING ON SUMMA!
I'm Done Exams! HAZAH! This means i'm done schoool for this semester....for the whole summer!! Four months without school...oh praise the Lord oh my soul PRAISE THE LORD!
Yes well that's all I have for now. sorry to my dearest american friends whom are still strugglin' through, you can make it!!
Work time!
Yes well that's all I have for now. sorry to my dearest american friends whom are still strugglin' through, you can make it!!
Work time!
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
OH HAPPY DAY(S)!!
Due to last weekend i have a new picture as my background on desktop...
Last weekend I drove down to Portland (5.5 hours). I got to see some of my most precious friends of all time. Friday night, allison, pam and thier friend Josh *A. yes it is Calebs brother but i don't think he likes being referred to as that. but the fact is he is.* went to meet Danny, Evan and Meredith for dinner at Rock Bottom!!! OH MAN, you seriously have no idea how excited I was to see all these awesome folks again! OK OK you do. Anyways I will try not to rub in it much more. I love these kids so much. And I miss them even more than i did before seeing them again. Too short of a visit i tell ya. there was so many things though that made me smile. like spiced tea, or or popcorn with seasoning salt(!?!) but most of all it was my friends. *I can't figure out the layout for the pictures so they are in no particular order*
Monday, April 03, 2006
i heart pamela schnake
this past weekend i had the amazing blessing of hangin out with my cape. roomy, you may know her, pamela? you do? awesome! She's rad hey!? Heck yes she is!!
i hadn't seen her in a year. phsyco i know. anyways it was awesome. we talked a lot. reminisced (yes pam i sure did you dictionary.com) of cape. days and our jr.high experiences at punk shows. talked in sign language. danced in the EA parking lot. ate way too much indian food. ate chocolate cake while watching RENT on her laptop. talked some more. yeah...all this to say i had a great time and seeing ms. pamela joy made me really really miss those whom i loved at cape and even those whom i didnt' get a chance to love. it was a great time. it really was.
ok so i know that pam has this picture on her blog but it's soo stinkin' cute I had to put it on mine! It's of Pam playing the sleep game with my niece Dakota *she's so funny for a two year old and bugged us for like 45 min, she wouldn't let me play though, only pam could play the sleep game*
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