Lord give me strength, wisdom and thicker skin.

I hate how people can effect me so, I have a deep running fear of failing, disappointing people and not being liked or well thought of. I feel peopled moods like you can feel the chair your sitting in, I take it on as my own and multiply it. It's not always a bad thing, but it does mean that I'm hurt easily, feel like I've failed over minor things and get anxiety quickly over silly things.

This was all brought on by an undoubtable sucky situation but I don't feel that I should feel as "GAH" about it as I do.

We have small groups at youth, we meet every third week or so, and my leaders are to call and let the youth know where the are going. It's always been a bit of a struggle to make sure that everyone is calling all the youth and knowing where they are etc. But that is not the cause of this GAHness.

We had a family begin to go to our church and after three months of their children going to sunday school the mother emailed about getting her kids plugged in at youth. They've been coming out since the beginning of Jan. Due to scheduling we've had 2 lifegroups within a month. And I forgot to re-email the leaders an updated copy of their youth, so this particular youth did not get called, two, apparently three times. I found out last time, apologized and said that I would make sure the youth was on the list, I did, he was on the list. But that list didn't get sent out.

So this night comes rolling around, I'm running late, opening doors, running around when the younger sibling of this youth tells me that no one phoned for the youth. I ran to the car to give the address to the mom. She was livid. Understandably, I'd be upset if my kid wasn't called for the third time in a row and was hurt by this. I apologized and said that I forgot to give the leaders their number, she didn't' accept that and went off on my leaders and -that they should know they don't have one of their youth's numbers and ask me for it. The youth has had a rough go at school with feeling rejected and now she said that he's been rejected by the youth group and that he'd probably never come back, and that we'd lost him. He gets it at school, he shouldn't get it at church, and these leader should be leading and displaying Christ.- I was hurt. Big time. I can understand that for the youth it would be really really hard, and I was disappointed in myself for not given the leader the number. It was a huge oversight, and I truly am sorry, however I don't think I should have been made to feel that way. They have to drive like 25 min to get to the youth which is a double crap. She said that if he didn't want to come to youth, then we'd lost the other youth and they wouldn't be going to the church anymore. Ouch. So now I feel that I've failed my whole congregation, and that I've hurt a youth beyond repair. Not cool. I'm not writing this to slander the parent, they have a right to be upset and hurt, however, I don't know. I need grace too and it's hard to feel that when you've been crushed. It's hard because it was so unintentional, and it doesn't display my heart or my leaders hearts for these youth. It's nights like these I feel like a failure. (I know I'm not no worries, and GOd has brought me here with a purpose and will see me through) Lord give me compassion, strength, and wisdom.

Thanks blog, for letting me vent. Thanks Lord for being bigger than this.

Girls just want to have fun...

What to write about tonight....

Hmm.

Last night was the girls all-nighter at youth. We had 33 girls and 6, well 7 leaders including me. It was a lot of fun, and had some good connecting points with various youth.

My heart for these young girls is that they would truly see how beautiful God created them, that they have worth in Him. There are a few as well that just hound on each other, almost weekly I have to talk to them. I need wisdom in this situation, because it can't go on like this. They hurtful things that they say will stay with them for their lives. If you ask almost anyone I'm sure they can remember something hurtful that someone said to them when the were in gr.6-8. It's so sad.

It's fun to these events, because I get to do things that I love to do and can't always. Like have crazy dance party's! It was a really fun night, I got a friend to come in and teach hip hop for an hour, we played crazy all around the church games, had a mini campfire that included, worship, a story, mini devo and camp songs! We watched a movie at 1:30am, we had random dance parties (whenever I played girls just want to have fun) and we hopefully formed memories that will last forever.

There are moments when i just miss being a youth leader and the freedom in that to devote your attention to the youth, and forgo all the responsibility of dealing with parents, details and such.

But I'm diggin' my role, and am thankful that I am where I am.

12:12.

Fail.

I was totally asleep by 11:00...I'm sure m

y mind drifted into sleep by like 10:53 or something. Then I got a text at 11:15....

Normally that wouldn't be a bad thing, I would m

erely turn over and fall back asleep. EXCEPT. I find if I am woken up like 15-2omin after I've fallen asleep I can't merely drift back into glorious sleep! As I tossed and turned trying to rid my mind of all the stuff that flooded my mind my phone rang! Arg, didn't know the number, they didnt' leave a message...I'm gonna 411 it. So yes, then I got up, went pee, got a few bowls for the girls all-nighter I'm planning for youth that I had thought about while trying to wrestle sleep, went back to bed, tossed and turned, rolled my eyes in frustration, turned on my light, read, and now I'm here.

Anyways I don't mind that people text or called, reall

y, because normally I would totally still be awake. It's just that I was so tired. and my plan failed. Thus my facebook reads "

the only problem with a night owl going to bed early is

no one expects it..."

Sigh. It is now 12:24...

Perhaps I'll be asleep before 1am?!

Story

I want to live a good story.

I'm currently reading Donald Miller's "A Million Miles in a Million Years." He's currently talking about what makes a good story.

I want to live out a good story. I want to provide a good story for others.

*****

I got totally distracted by FB chat...silly thing, FB.

My plan was to be asleep by 10:30. I was reading in bed, had to pee, got up and when I came back in my room I opened my lappy again. Bad move.

Anyways, it's a shocker to me that I'm going to be in bed before 1am, but I'm SO exausted tonight, it hit around 3pm and I can't shack it. well it's now 10:41...new goal to be asleep by 11.

Currently.

Shhhh. I should be sleeping, but I snuck on the internet to rediscover my blog. Don't tell my tomorrow morning self because she'll be mad when she's ridiculously tired at 6:45!

So it's been six months since I've written, wow, freakin' eh. Time flies. *Sigh*

It's odd really, how fast it goes. Just disappears. *poof*

Here is are some things that are "Current" in my life:

Currently listening: to Dashboards newest album "After the ending", just picked it up today, already a fan. (Current as in the last month: Glee soundtracks, one republic, muse, switchfoot, owl city, paper tongue.)

Currently reading: HP & the philosopher's stone. Just finished "The Outsiders" and am about to embark on an adventure through other High School Curriculum classics.

Currently watching: Nothing quite yet. Just finished watching Season 3 of Heroes: I just wanted to give Sylar a hug the whole time, through my hands up and yell "YATTA!"

Currently planning for work: Girls All-nighter at youth, we're having a campout...tents, fake fire and trees and the whole shabang in the gym. Talk on the OT = Epic Stories.

Current hair: Short inverted bob, dark with blonde chunk.

Current age: 26... taking some time to get used to that one.

Current travel plans: March - NYC. May - Missions to ...wait for it...Hawaii.

Current favorite Restaurant: Earls! I had a personal vendetta against Earls since like gr.10 however this was broken upon trying them again in Dec. and discovering there chicken, bree, apple, fig jelly sandwhich!

Current Facebook Status:

Megan Hazelton

should probably not watch anymore HSM. She had TWO dreams about Zac Effron last night...

Current Tweet: Listening to Dashboards latest and ignoring my tired eyes. 25 minutes ago

Current Fear: Failure...

Current Lesson: That no matter how solid a youth is - solid family, loves God, serves etc - they're still in need of guidance, prayer and love.

Current battle: Feeling like I'm called to be grounded for a time such as this, yet desiring to be off having a distant adventure.

Current status: Single. I'm not the type to put my life on hold because I'm not married, nor do I feel that my life or ministry is incomplete because there is not a solid man by my side YET I pray that there would be one there soon.

Current shoe of choice: Zebra print Sanuk's

Current Sweater of Choice: purple/white stripped AA sweater

Current Magazine: Relevant

Currently have tickets for: Muse (April.1), Owl City (April 2)

Amount of sleep I'd get if I went to sleep in 45 min = 4.75 hours.

COLDPLAY

So I figured if I put up a few Jo'Bro's up then I better freakin' put up some Coldplay and Snow Patrol pics! This concert was jacked! Definitly one of my top favs for sure! It was moving and packed with energy, that crazy kid Chris Martin never stops running around...ok well he does because he plays piano but his butt is rarely on the piano bench! Snow Patrol were awesome, it was so evident that they were all physced to be there! I would see them for a third time fo sho!

huh aparantly I really didn't take many pics, and non with my camera of SP..just on my phone. I find they never turn out really and then I waste time taking pictures and not enjoying the show.

The Jo Bro's.

Yep there they are. Nick on the keys, Kevin on lead guitar and Joe in the white T. This concert was suprisingly good! I had a blast mocking the shrieking/tearful adolesence but I also had a blast jumping and yelling to the songs. They put on a great show...although with a budget that size who wouldn't!

I saw Public Enemy Tonight. Save yourself $10 and 3 hours, don't go.

MERLIN

I've discovered another tv show... Merlin, origianlly aired last year in England, and aired in North America last Sunday. It's sort of cheesy at times and may not have the best special effects but Phhh I don't care I like it! It's a twist on the old tails of Merlin, King Arthur and Camelot, they're just entering into adulthood and discovering who they are. Anyways, yep, I'm a nerd and I'm a fan!!

Did you know that JK Rowling is a part of the Church of Scotland.

Anyways.... yep.

Thanks Alley.

Here is a song that I've found very encouraging the past little while...

Lyrics to Wait And See :
I was born in Tennessee
Late July humidity
Doctor said I was lucky to be alive

I’ve been trouble since the day that I got here
Trouble till the day that I disappear
That’ll be the day that I finally get it right

There is hope for me yet
Because God won’t forget
All the plans he’s made for me
I have to wait and see
He’s not finished with me yet

I never really was that good in school
I talked too much, broke the rules
Teacher thought I was hopeless fool alright

I don’t know how but I made it through
It’s one of those things that you’ve gotta do
But I always had a knack for telling the truth

Chorus

Still wondering why I’m here
Still wrestling with my fear
But oh, He’s up to something
And the farther on I go
I’ve seen enough to know
That I’m, not here for nothing
He’s up to something

So now’s my time to be a man
Follow my heart as far as I can
No telling where I’m ending up tonight
I never slow down or so it seems
But singing my heart it’s one of my dreams
All I gotta do is hold on tight

Commitment. Wow, this commitment thing with this blog is tricky. Here's a couple of thoughts. I have missed a bunch. Some may say I've failed my commitment...but really who was this commitment for!? ME! It was to help me stay on course, serve as a reminder that I should blog more. Share more. Write more. However it has become a "religious" thing, something I dont enjoy but think "DANG I didnt' write a blog today" Like so many things, the joy of blogging or the desire to blog has been replaced by pure "gotta plug in something." Sometimes commitment is a good thing, and it causes you to do something even if you dont want to. Like marriage, when married I suspect you will not always want to be married, I know you will not always "love" your spouse or desire to be with them, however you have made a commitment, nah a covenant relationship. OR lets say a commitment in a job, we all know there are days when you do not want it, you dont love it, your not passionate, however you've made a commtiment to be there and that is what keeps you there, and sees you through to the joy in that position. However I am talking about a blog, A BLOG. SO what am I getting at. . . I dont know, maybe I will remain and write twice a week. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll write on Thursdays, or Fridays...both or not at all!.

Yay for rants, that was fun.

I THOUGHT I POSTED THIS.

Well folks, I failed my commitment, again. Not only did I miss wednesdays but I missed yesterdays as well...but I honestly thought I posted IT!!!! SO it was done... anyways here it is.

Today of course is Fathers day...but for my bro-in-law it was not only his first fathers day, his sons dedication but also his birthday *which I freakin' forgot!* Crazy hey. I hope he still felt special, I would be a tad selfish and think...hey it's MY BIRTHDAY....

Anyways. Yep, today I had the honour of dedicating little man Gabriel, he was so cute, and he didn't cry and my parents were there. Yeah it was special.

Yesterday I went to Coldplay HOKIE FREAKIN' DINAH! It was a ridiculous show...if you've been you know what I mean, if you haven't freakin' GO. Chris Martin is a freakin' machine, randomly yells "yeeeaaaappp" and is incredibly talented. Well done CP well done. Snowpatrol...they were so ridiculously happy! seriously, ok well maybe they were a little "gone" but they were so smiley and totally enjoying themselves.

Could you imagine if the "that was easy" button really worked. wow. what would you use it on..if you could only use it once?!

Terminator Salvation

I saw the 10:30pm showing of T4 tonight, and well... loved it *sing songy voice*! I was super skeptical actually because my bro in law didn't seem too amped about it. Phhhh it was so rad, and Christian Bale did fabulous...could he not?! It was funny to me though because I went with two other pastors from CHC...total night owls I tell ya! We had just sat through a 3.5 hour congregational meeting...funny thing, you don't have to pass notes anymore on paper, just blackberry messanger. Man sometimes I love technology. Yay for random.

I saw all my siblings today. And all my nieces and nephews *some for a very brief moment*
Anyways my mom, Riley (13) Isaac (11) and Ella (7) walked down the street for ice-cream and sat infront of the community hall in the sun. We were playing 20 questions and it was Ellas turn...priceless. She confused us a few times by saying it had one leg, then it didnt' have a leg, and then it was an animal and it lived in the sea, but it wasnt' a whale because it only had one fin...and...it was just really cute because we were all confused and Riley stated a few times "I'm lost" and then Ella exclaimed "IT'S A MERMAID!" Briliant really.

I love my family I really do.

Night.

Numbers, money, budget.... ICK! I've never been one to really freak out over money, but I tell ya when faced with having to finalize the budget for youth, FREAK OUT! haha. I just loathed it, it caused me to cringe, cry and carry on like a small child. Ok really I only cringed a lot, but it totally robbed my joy for a few hours today, until people started visiting me in my office. Yeah, I like people, and I hate numbers.

On a side note I get to dedicate my nephew Gabriel on fathers day! How freakin' rad is that?! Man now there are some definate joys about being a Pastor.

To re-cap today's lesson. People Good. Numbers Bad.

Excuses Excuses!

I know that it's been two weeks since my last post, I do apologize but I've been in Hawaii. I left early Wednesday the 27 and got home this past Friday.

I left thinking that this trip would be a "vacation" however God had other, better, plans for me and MY trip. You see he's been teaching me how possessive I am of things...I think I've written on here about that. Well this trip was the next lesson! The night I arrived, I discovered that I would have to be involved daily in all ministry activities *oh yeah I was staying with my dear friend Janelle at hte ministry she works for called Surfing the nations. check them out!!* And God had to quickly change my attitude and turn in into a servant one. I'm so thankful he did. Such a rad time of rejuvenation and service. We had daily quiet times and there was a couple amazing times of worship and prayer for various things and people. I really felt God use and teach me in Hawaii and I feel so blessed to be a part of the Ohana of Surfing the Nations. I had an awesome time, and of course I got to enjoy being a tourist as well.

Here are some things that 100% made me smile:

- Seeing Janelle *it's been 9 months* and seeing how the Lord is moulding her and using her!
- Sleeping on the beach with the stars as my night light
- Hanging out with Baby Nemos and Sea Turtles!
- Coconut and Chocolate covered Macdamia nuts
- Meeting a great random group of people
- Surfing in Waikiki
- Longboarding in Waikiki
- Making WAY too many Lost references
- Swedish boys with stutters
- Sunsets and Swimming
- Bus adventures
- Praying with friends
- Giving out food to 400 people
- Chatting with "Woody" a dude who lives in his mini-bus turned bedroom
- Countless gorgeous views
- Being in the presence of the Lord

... I dont have all my pics, because they got erased of my disk, so I have to wait for Jan to send them. But here are a few...

Days like today...

...make me love being a Youth Pastor.

Today was beautiful. I had the honour of baptizing four of my youth girls. It was rad to hear their hearts, pray with them, and dunk them. Such a beautiful image.

We did it on a lake, the sun was shinning, the church family was gathered and the Lord was ever present.

Afterwords many loitered about and I got a crew to jump off the dock.

It was refreshing. Such a blessing.

Also, summer is upon us... HOLLA!

Frick.

WOW. I'm doing awesome at this commitment thing now hey!? Phh not so much. While reading a facebook note I was inspired to do a random list post...

Hint of lime Tostitos are ridiculously good, and have more than a hint of lime to them.

I waited at a traffic light for like 15 minutes before rerouteing and turning left.

I'm becoming more and more awkward with age.

I drove to PoCo, Langley, and Surrey today. I've put over 1000 km on my three week car.

Some children are really just rude.

When people love what they are doing, it shows, even if they love it at that moment.

The guy at Starbucks supplied me with my own label, so now I no longer have to stumble my through the order just to receive my drink. Thank you!

I am attending 5 weddings this summer, starting this Saturday. I was at their rehearsal today and they are so ridiculously in love, not just the mushy kind but the yeah this is for life kind.

I've heard a relationship with God being labeled as the first love. I need to cultivate my first love to once more be my first love, I miss him.

It's such an incredible honour to be working with those that I work with, I'm blessed to be able to say that.

...5 days.

It feels like Sunday.

Ok so, the post after my apology post and I miss it ...SHAME.

Hmm. I feel as though I should post something extra juicy to cover that up...

It's amazing how much plants and fake greenery can change a place. My current roomate will no longer be my roommate come June 1st and she has slowly begun moving out. Today the bamboo on the side table is gone, and the face tree thing from the bathroom counter is gone. Sad really.

I'll have to make a trip to Ikea.

I need more things for my walls too...very bare, very bare indeed.

COMMITMENT OVERLOAD!

Dear Friends,

I'm sorry for those who regularly visit this blog and know that I have made a commitment to blog twice a week, Sunday and Wednesdays. I am sorry because you will be aware that I have missed not only Wednesday but the Sunday post as well.

There are no excuses for this. It's really that I got too busy, forgot or was too lazy when I remembered.

On the flip side, I feel that the past couple of weeks I've signed onto a number of heavy commitments: A permanent job, car payments and a phone contract. If you know me well you know that I enjoy being a "roamer" a bit of a free spirit if you will. Up to this point the only real "commitment" was with a two year phone contract that I could easily buy my way out of.

I've come to the conclusion that commitment scares me, and it seems to squish me...

...mold me into an adult, who to be honest I'm not sure I want to be.

So with that being said please accept my apology for bailing out not once but twice in a row on this commitment.

Yours Truly,

Megan

Yes those are keys in my hand.

I made the plunge.

I'm significantly in debt.

But I ride with confidence and style.

Cheers to settling and growing up.

DANG! I buy faster than I read.

I added the following books to my collection, all for just over $30.

Yes I am aware of the fact that 3/4 of them are Childrens books.

I got those book in less then 10 min. at a fab used book store!

On the same day I had a picnice and flew kites by the ocean and climbed a small mountain. I wish everyday was an adventure such as that.