Gone...

to mexico for two weeks to build houses.

went and saw...

and it gets two ...

I totally enjoyed "Click" I couldn't stop laughing in the beginning and it even made me cry!! I cried watching an Adam Sandler movie. I had a huge crush on Adam *yes we're on a first name basis* when i was in grade nine...ok ok i'm not going to lie i still totally dig him!!

go see it its sweet...

**it's an adam sandler movie therefore not all scenes are apropriate for your little sister but it is suprisingly clean**

the climb

you must begin somewhere. why not here. you've been here before? thats ok, you'll probably be back. don't be afraid. exactly. little steps. or leaps. you choose. sometimes it'll feel like you're going to fall. you might. it's ok though. honest. you have to begin somewhere.


I've been reading The Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell *founder of Mars Hill Church* I'm sure many of you have heard about it if not read it. So far I'm totally enjoying it. I read it with my bible out and reference all the scriptures he uses. It's filled with intreguing thoughts and ideas, many i've thought before but they are put clearly and some are a new perspectives which are eagerly recieved.

One thing thats been rad is just seeing God in the little things <> Bell calls them "Holy moments" and when i read this section i was like that is exactly what i'd experienced while holding my 2 year old neice while she slept or listening to the summer leaves being parted by the warm breeze. it's moments like these that make me smile with praise on my lips.

a strike, a pain, and a fear.

three things on my mind currently...

1. "a strike" to share the joy of being able to strike something off my "to do before i'm forty" list: PAINTBALL. Yep I did it FINALLY, it was a lot of fun! We took some youth on saturday and it was good times, a tad crazy the dude basically passed us guns, made us wait around for a long time, gave us bullets then sent us out! I was like how do you shot!? Pull the trigger...but no rules or anything! I got a nice welt right on the gluteous maximus, it hurt to sit for a day or so hahaha, plus a few other welts and bruises, good times though.

2. tonight i tried skateboarding with some of my youth girls... that is were " a pain" comes in. I fell. on both attempts. the first one i was just trying to turn and BAM, bailed. haha. the second i was showing them how to do an aweley *SP?!?!* i mean i could do one when i was 6! ... yeah not so much anymore. that time i totally fell on my side and that my friends was painful!

3. "a fear"...well tonight was interesting because i was walking home and met up with one of the youth gals, who was trying to get home via bus but it wasn't coming so i took her naturally...LONG story but it ends with me hoping htat her and another gal will get to there destination saftley and wiht the know of their parents. i left them at one of there houses, but i dont know if they will stay there...yeah, it's just scarey, the youth are so different than i was. i love them and fear for them and what they do and the choices that they make...i coudlnt' imagine being a parent HONESTLY!

well that's all for now, i have to go to bed it's late and i have to be up early to go to preschool...youngin's too young to decieve just yet.

They don't lie!

It really is the Happiest Place on Earth!













This was from my trip last month. *SIGH* did you know Lisa O. works there?!! Aparantly that totally slipped my mind but i totally randomly bumped into her! She's livin' my dream, as part of the Disney team. BAH HA . Oh yeah that's my niece, Sierra...honestly so cute and funny...a little odd at times, her parents blame me! tee hee

NEW HAIR!

On a random wime today i went and got this done. red with darkbrowinshblack underneath...

the world isn't all chocolate and marshmellows because of one day...

but it is good because of One God.

You see kids it's not as if my brokeness has become whole, or that "it's all good in the hood" and my relationship with God is perfect or everything lost is now restored. BUT. it's good because of the one who created it.

The last two weeks of youth have been awesome. Last week during small group I just really connected with the kids ...get this playing big booty! haha it's a great game...and the night ended with relationships stronger. then this week one of or grade 12 girls gave the "talk" she's actually the pastor's daughter, and it was amazing the kids listened, if you knew my kids you'd understand why this is amazing!

SO shot my first wedding ever. I took the photos at my cousins wedding on saturday. i really hoped she likes them, they are on there honeymoon so they haven't seen them yet. i was pleased how they turned out i mean gosh it was my first wedding. and maybe my last haha

hmmm what else.

oh since i wasn't really in themood to share some pics of disneyland i can do that now....

ok so it's not working and i'm too impatient for it to work so i'll try again later

night kiddos

not hurt enough to be numb but getting close

hey guys, i really don't want to sound depressing or be a downer, for all should know that it is one of my least favorite things in the world. the thing is though. i'm just sad. Disneyland was awesome, soo fun and I loved it. a haitis from my real life. I got home monday night and on tuesday had a minor breakdown realizing that I am walking the edge of my chosen path and it sucks. then tonight before work i found out that a guy i went to school with died on sunday. it's just so hard. life is really not an easy thing at times. part of me wants to laugh, have fun and encourage but the other part is so broken, confused and in need of the courage and support.

sue gilmore wrote a card to me before outreach with this in it "cast your cares onto the lord and he will sustain you" psalm 55(?) prayer needs to become who i am once more.

OK so it's been a rough couple weeks, i'm not going to lie! BUT this weekend my sisinlaw had a baby boy first name Hayden..middle names...Austen and Heinz *it was her dad's name* Hayden makes me an aunt sixes time over now!

PLUS i'm going to DISNEYLAND in 3 SLEEPS...TWO DAYS!!!

The week...

It's been a really rough week....
On tuesday my bear *actually my cat* was hit by a car, he was only like a year old and AMAZING. I'm not going to lie, it sucked hard core.
On Wednesday I found out that my old Dance Teacher, a friend to my sister and mother, who had been battling cancer, passed away. Death is such a hard thing to grasp.

But it ended or is ending in jubilation...
My Sister(in law) is at this very moment in labour!!

Lord be with all who have lost and all who will gain.

An outpour...

i measure the year not on dates but on occasions. this year is over. i measure success by happiness. this year was a failure. i measure joy by happiness, by finite things that melt faster than my fudgsicle on august the third. as i look at still shots of people i know, i judge there happiness on outside things, not on the image of there soul written in their eyes. they are happier than i. i know the truth yet it disapates in the depth of my own thoughts. the pleas to myself to shake the cobwebs formed around my prayers go unheard while distractions become a way of life. a whisper of truth finds its way to the ambigious nature of my thoughts and threatens to break away the rusting deception. a welcomed threat.


*****


Not wanting to be a burden. I carry my own load. Not wanting to go outside of who you think I am. I carry my own load. A cyclic cycle of deception. I hurt you. I hurt me. Not wanting to bring on worry. I carry my own load. Not wanting to bring false witness I carry my own load. A pang of regret fills my heart. Where was I during those happy moments. Lost within myself wanting to remain strong. I carry my own load. Often it leaked out . This deception gone to far. You saw the real me. A glimpse of broken pottery strewn across the floor. Not yet retrieved yet hastily put together so the show can go on. Don’t look. work in progress. Why do I think I must be cement instead of porcelin. Here I am. Blown glass. Fragile. Broken. Here I am.

You Are Teal Green

You are a one of a kind, original person. There's no one even close to being like you.Expressive and creative, you have a knack for making the impossible possible.While you are a bit offbeat, you don't scare people away with your quirks.Your warm personality nicely counteracts and strange habits you may have.

What Color Green Are You?

BRING ON SUMMA!

I'm Done Exams! HAZAH! This means i'm done schoool for this semester....for the whole summer!! Four months without school...oh praise the Lord oh my soul PRAISE THE LORD!
Yes well that's all I have for now. sorry to my dearest american friends whom are still strugglin' through, you can make it!!

Work time!

Snap shots of joy

OH HAPPY DAY(S)!!

Due to last weekend i have a new picture as my background on desktop...


Last weekend I drove down to Portland (5.5 hours). I got to see some of my most precious friends of all time. Friday night, allison, pam and thier friend Josh *A. yes it is Calebs brother but i don't think he likes being referred to as that. but the fact is he is.* went to meet Danny, Evan and Meredith for dinner at Rock Bottom!!! OH MAN, you seriously have no idea how excited I was to see all these awesome folks again! OK OK you do. Anyways I will try not to rub in it much more. I love these kids so much. And I miss them even more than i did before seeing them again. Too short of a visit i tell ya. there was so many things though that made me smile. like spiced tea, or or popcorn with seasoning salt(!?!) but most of all it was my friends. *I can't figure out the layout for the pictures so they are in no particular order*

i heart pamela schnake

this past weekend i had the amazing blessing of hangin out with my cape. roomy, you may know her, pamela? you do? awesome! She's rad hey!? Heck yes she is!!
i hadn't seen her in a year. phsyco i know. anyways it was awesome. we talked a lot. reminisced (yes pam i sure did you dictionary.com) of cape. days and our jr.high experiences at punk shows. talked in sign language. danced in the EA parking lot. ate way too much indian food. ate chocolate cake while watching RENT on her laptop. talked some more. yeah...all this to say i had a great time and seeing ms. pamela joy made me really really miss those whom i loved at cape and even those whom i didnt' get a chance to love. it was a great time. it really was.

ok so i know that pam has this picture on her blog but it's soo stinkin' cute I had to put it on mine! It's of Pam playing the sleep game with my niece Dakota *she's so funny for a two year old and bugged us for like 45 min, she wouldn't let me play though, only pam could play the sleep game*

the silent image of a child. holds more power than words. unspoken innocence illuminates your iris. gather the pieces. form an everlasting picture. this is joy perminalty a part of my memories.

confessions of a GEEK drama queen.

ok. how many times can one person lose a fully written blog. oh oh. a lot. yes my friends i did lose another one and yes i was proud of it. crappit anyways. well i'm tired. don't want to re-write the whole thing. so. i'm glad to report that the play is done. yes in case you didtn' know i was in a play at school. so that means that my life can get back to a "normal" hectic lifestyle. instead of a "i dont have time to smile" hectic life style. ok ok my dearests. i did have time to smile. and i did infact smile. i was exaggerating. anyways. yes. i'm glad it's over. i had a lot of fun working with the other cast and crew. doing a play is generally just rad all around. but it was a lot of time. that i didn't really have. plus i dont know. it was hard for me to really get into it. i played a young girl which is fun. but nothing really difficult you know. and yeah. whatever. but yeah ok. so i am rambling and i said i was tired. which i am. can you tell. ok. well. no matter how silly the play i love being on stage and will do anything to be on it. ok ok. again. exaggerating. before this thing was over. i was like man. school. work. a play. youth. too much to do and never again shall i. but now that i'm done it. i'm like sign me up for next year! BAH when will i learn. never. mmmm ok!
anyways i'm just going off now and really should stop before i embarrass myself or say somthing that i truly dont' mean to say or .......yeah. ok. well cheers for now.

my day.
it snowed.
wrote a 25% paper.
it started to rain.
half hour later all snow gone.
i phoned bank.
told last check was in limbo.
overcome by frustration.
overcome by everything.
i cried.
not about money.
found money.
in student loan account.
didn't relax.
went to work.
began feeling better.
started laughing.
it snowed.
i drove home slowly.
it's still snowing.
here i am.
fine.
really.
life is hard at times.
it ends.
he remains.

everytime i glance at a canvas i have an urge to express my self through vibrant to dull oils; every photograph ignites a yearning to capture the perfect shot; everytime i hear a voice call out in harmony, a guitar sing, a drum be struck, i want to dealve into composition. I want to dance my emotions, write my fears and compete my burdens away. the stage cradles my creativity.


Everytime I see/experience an art form I am drawn to it and want to participate.





Highlight of my weekend: watching the ulitimate fights with my brothers and dropping and stepping on my communion cracker.