Impressive.

Ok, just took the time to find, and re-set my password for this blog because it felt like time to write. . .

How long ago was my last post?! 6 freaking' months! It's like Clockwork.

Now, here is the beauty that is known as my blog. No one directly in my life reads it, and probably no one at all, to be honest that is sort of refreshing. It's a weird mix, because I could just write stuff in my journal, then no one would read it thus I could say anything, silly, weird, a bit off-beat and no one would question it. However there is an innate need to be heard. Or the illusion of being heard. I just watched "The Social Network" and one of the characters said "You put it on the internet, it's not written in pencil but in ink!" ... it's true, whatever you write on here, is permanent. It's "real". Therefore in a way it legitimizes what your saying, however trivial or true it is.

At times I want to write things as my "status" ...but then everyone would know it. All my friends, family...the youth I work with, almost strangers who have somehow connected themselves to my life. At times I want to "tweet" things (I have no idea why i'm using " marks...) but again....same thing...

This is going to sound, conceded and pompous. But at times I feel "famous" ... I have to watch what I say or do so closely because I don't want it to be misconstrued by others. With my position you have to be so, it's not that I say really sketching things or do sketchy things at all but you just have to be...guarded. I know some people would understand what I mean, but others have no clue.

Example, drinking. I never used to. I hated the taste of Alcohol and thought it lame to "acquire" a taste for it. However starting New Years, I've began enjoying the odd beverage. It started with a gin and tonic. Now I could never write stuff like that on my Facebook...reason, I don't want youth to just see that and not understand context etc. It's all about perceptions and what you're sending out there. Now I probably wouldn't write something about drinking on my FB anyways but that's no the point. I believe that being honest with youth is crucial however it needs to be in context of a whole conversation yet you don't have to disclose everything. Discernment really And to be honest its not just the youth, but their parents and people who just know what I do. And some stuff I just don't want random buddy commenting on.

Anyways. All that to say, is sometimes it's tricky.

Right now I would love to just say. "Megan Hazelton just discovered another person in her life is getting married and wondered 'How did they find someone, and I am still alone?!?'" ...

Horrible. Yet true. I just don't want all the questions and pity comments, yet that' s how I feel.

I've also wanted my status to be "There's a drumming noise inside my head, that starts when you're around

I swear that you could hear it, It makes such an all mighty sound" ( Great Florance song...)

However that would be a dead giveaway that there is someone in my life that makes me feel like that...then the questions would start. And I couldn't admit to it. But yes it's true.

I was asked the other day over a FB message "How is your heart?" not in relation to being "alone" but in relation to things going on at work etc. . .

Tonight, I bought stuff at Value Village with a friend. Breakable things. . .

One of mine was a ceramic heart...

We smashed them in a parking lot (don't worry we cleaned it all up, broom and dustpan style)...

I'm 27 and single...

...someone que the sappy music and spray cheese.

Because it's fun.

Yep. It's time, the good ol' wait 6 months or so and then remember a little thing called the blog. I don't even care if no one reads this, its' so fun for me to go back through the years and see what I randomly wrote. And sometimes it's easiest to do list.

So current things:

Facebook status:

Megan Hazelton

is not getting anything done in zee office...I blame, Ashton, Kelly Clarkson and A.D.D

Twitter:

twitter ...for those too lazy or 'distracted' to blog...

Last Album bought: Ray LaMontagne "God willin' & the creek don't rise"

In my DVD player: How I Met Your Mother season 5

Bible Reading: Romans & Psalms

Concerts: Michael W. Smith Christmas tour (I'm taking my mom!) & Justin Bieber (HA! I'm taking a youth who's mom didn't want to go!)

Current read: Book 3 of the Mark of the Lion series.

Current Fav shoes: Red Toms...

Celebrity Crush: Zachary Levi, Adam young

Say to much: "cool beans" "air high five"

Time: 12:49 am.

Doing: writing this, sitting on the wingback chair, talking on FB chat, wasting time...

want to learn: guitar, drums, japanese, sign language...

...ok. definitely time for bed.

All aboard.

Oh man, this is one of the most fun band wagons I've been on.

I'm talking about Vancouver 2010 winter Olympics!

Is it as big everywhere else in the world?!?!

I feel like this is all we're living and breathing here in BC, and I'm not going to lie I like it! It's so much fun! I have yet to be right downtown, but that shall change this weekend.

I was watching when my good buddy Alexandre Bilodeau took the God medal for men's freestyle skiing, moguls (which I can never say and end up saying muggles heh heh) breaking the "curse" of Canada unable to win Gold on home soil. Epic moment, seriously.

I've almost cried so many times.

I've downloaded "I believe" because I was tired of hearing snip its all the time. And I actually like it.

I've based a talk and had an Olympic Madness night for the youth.

I've gotten the red mitts.

I've laughed at commentators witty comments like "Ho Hum another Olympic title for Shaun White"

I've discussed the games with strangers, topics such as the torch (the lack of visuals, the mechanical failure etc), the uncanny warm winter, the ease of traffic, the free shows, the different country houses, the crazy mascots and sidekicks (yes we have a sidekick!)....

AH!

This weekend I'm going to see Wintersleep and Sam Roberts for free. I'm gonna brave the crowds, sing loudly, cheer unfailingly and take major amounts of pictures.

WOOOO!

Yes, I'm excited. I'm fully of Joy and energy....

Lord I pray that this sort of excitement would be found in you. May I seek you as much as these athletes push for those medals. You are what I believe in and you are my source of life.

Ok now go cheer on your country people!

SUPRISE.

My friend Cheri, has been planning a suprise since my birthday as my gift. She said keep Feb.13 open and you'll need an up to date passport. So I naturally came to the conclusion that we were going to Seattle for some reason and tonight, the cat was let out of the bag....

We're going to hear Rob Bell on his latest speaking tour!! I'm SO stoked, Bell is obviously gifted, and velvet elvis remains one of my favorite. Of course I don't agree whole heartedly with Bell on everything, and may have some questions about some of his theology, however I'm totally looking forward to it WOOP!!

So yes. I'm a little sad that I found out only a day before I was going, but whateves it will be sweet!

Now is the winter of my discontent.

That line from Shakespeares Richard III popped into my head as I sat on a cold damp bench chatting with a fellow middle school pastor and friend. She's been feeling very discontent and longs for adventure, and well that's exactly how I've been feeling for the past...well long while. And that phrase seemed to encompass how I was feeling. I sure pray it is just a season, such as winter and that it too shall pass soon.

On the flip and some what more chipper side, the sun was out today and it didn't fade after 5:23! Oh man YAY.

I just have to push through Feb. and I'll have lots to look forward to. NYC in March, Muse, Owl City and Calgary road trip in April, Hawaii Missions trip in June and Creation Fest in July! WOO WOO!

Lord give me strength, wisdom and thicker skin.

I hate how people can effect me so, I have a deep running fear of failing, disappointing people and not being liked or well thought of. I feel peopled moods like you can feel the chair your sitting in, I take it on as my own and multiply it. It's not always a bad thing, but it does mean that I'm hurt easily, feel like I've failed over minor things and get anxiety quickly over silly things.

This was all brought on by an undoubtable sucky situation but I don't feel that I should feel as "GAH" about it as I do.

We have small groups at youth, we meet every third week or so, and my leaders are to call and let the youth know where the are going. It's always been a bit of a struggle to make sure that everyone is calling all the youth and knowing where they are etc. But that is not the cause of this GAHness.

We had a family begin to go to our church and after three months of their children going to sunday school the mother emailed about getting her kids plugged in at youth. They've been coming out since the beginning of Jan. Due to scheduling we've had 2 lifegroups within a month. And I forgot to re-email the leaders an updated copy of their youth, so this particular youth did not get called, two, apparently three times. I found out last time, apologized and said that I would make sure the youth was on the list, I did, he was on the list. But that list didn't get sent out.

So this night comes rolling around, I'm running late, opening doors, running around when the younger sibling of this youth tells me that no one phoned for the youth. I ran to the car to give the address to the mom. She was livid. Understandably, I'd be upset if my kid wasn't called for the third time in a row and was hurt by this. I apologized and said that I forgot to give the leaders their number, she didn't' accept that and went off on my leaders and -that they should know they don't have one of their youth's numbers and ask me for it. The youth has had a rough go at school with feeling rejected and now she said that he's been rejected by the youth group and that he'd probably never come back, and that we'd lost him. He gets it at school, he shouldn't get it at church, and these leader should be leading and displaying Christ.- I was hurt. Big time. I can understand that for the youth it would be really really hard, and I was disappointed in myself for not given the leader the number. It was a huge oversight, and I truly am sorry, however I don't think I should have been made to feel that way. They have to drive like 25 min to get to the youth which is a double crap. She said that if he didn't want to come to youth, then we'd lost the other youth and they wouldn't be going to the church anymore. Ouch. So now I feel that I've failed my whole congregation, and that I've hurt a youth beyond repair. Not cool. I'm not writing this to slander the parent, they have a right to be upset and hurt, however, I don't know. I need grace too and it's hard to feel that when you've been crushed. It's hard because it was so unintentional, and it doesn't display my heart or my leaders hearts for these youth. It's nights like these I feel like a failure. (I know I'm not no worries, and GOd has brought me here with a purpose and will see me through) Lord give me compassion, strength, and wisdom.

Thanks blog, for letting me vent. Thanks Lord for being bigger than this.

Girls just want to have fun...

What to write about tonight....

Hmm.

Last night was the girls all-nighter at youth. We had 33 girls and 6, well 7 leaders including me. It was a lot of fun, and had some good connecting points with various youth.

My heart for these young girls is that they would truly see how beautiful God created them, that they have worth in Him. There are a few as well that just hound on each other, almost weekly I have to talk to them. I need wisdom in this situation, because it can't go on like this. They hurtful things that they say will stay with them for their lives. If you ask almost anyone I'm sure they can remember something hurtful that someone said to them when the were in gr.6-8. It's so sad.

It's fun to these events, because I get to do things that I love to do and can't always. Like have crazy dance party's! It was a really fun night, I got a friend to come in and teach hip hop for an hour, we played crazy all around the church games, had a mini campfire that included, worship, a story, mini devo and camp songs! We watched a movie at 1:30am, we had random dance parties (whenever I played girls just want to have fun) and we hopefully formed memories that will last forever.

There are moments when i just miss being a youth leader and the freedom in that to devote your attention to the youth, and forgo all the responsibility of dealing with parents, details and such.

But I'm diggin' my role, and am thankful that I am where I am.